Runnerville

When I think about the Millrose Games, I think of Madison Square Garden. And when I think of Madison Square Garden, I think of backseat sex. [don’t worry… news article: totally SFW] And when I think of backseat sex, I think of crippling humiliation, an accidental elbow to the face, your nose gurgling blood like one of those chocolate fountains all over the interior of your dad’s car, and the sudden shame of a policeman’s flashlight. No sir, it’s just cold in here and you suddenly made me very nervous.
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Millrose is nigh upon us: Friday. Madison Square Garden. Can you feel the tingles?

Up here in New York, they would have you believe that The Garden is a special place, unlike any other. Well, those people are right. So, as Friday draws ever nigher, I’ve put together a little crib sheet for those attending and for the non-NYers trying to get their heads around that famed mystique (with help from Deadspin.com).

1. For all you reporters out there… …you better behave yourselves.
2. Bring your crazy pills because I think there is something in the air.
3. Re: If you enjoy the ambience of The Garden so much you don’t want to leave.
4. Think twice before you unleash on Lagat if he doesn’t deliver.
5. The Garden is a magical place where fan participation is the only thing that affects outcomes in competition. So if you don’t cheer, expect a coach or two to yell at you.
6. Blackmail = encouraged. Please feel free to bring along those racy pictures your cousin took of Galen Rupp at that party he went to in Eugene last spring.
7. See Entry #3.
8. See Entry #7. (2nd from bottom on linked page)
9. On second thought, skip the PR opening and just apply for “Bossman” because clearly there are few requirements in terms of humility, common sense, and class.

See you Friday!